Have you lost your Marbles?

The Marble Game
In marriages (and other relationships), there is often a "Marble Game" going on.

At the beginning, each person is perceived to have roughly the same number of marbles. However, as the relationship progresses, and one spouse clearly emerges as being weaker in decision-making, natural intelligence, and/or "walking around smarts," then "Marbles" are lost by that person, and the other spouse gains marbles.

In one case about a dad blaming a mom for a child being waitlisted for school admission, the "husband" lost a whole bunch of marbles when he foolishly invested their money. The "wife" gained a whole bunch of marbles with her decisions to allow the child to be waitlisted instead of pulling him off the list and then finding a way to pay for school. This created a huge imbalance of marbles because of the long-lasting implications of that one mistake. This mistake wasn't something that just caused a minor ripple in the family, such as denting a car or bouncing a check. This "husband" has to live with the fact that not only did he make a very serious mistake, but his "wife's" decisions were not only better, but they saved the family from absolute disaster.

Once you have one spouse with lots of marbles (in this case, the wife) and you have another spouse who perceives himself as having fewer marbles, then you have a situation where the "husband" is going to - lash out - and criticize any imaginable, thing in a way to try to take away some of the other's marble stash.
So, even when other rational people would say that the "husband" has no reason to criticize the wife about the waitlist situation, the "husband" just sees it as an opportunity to say, - "see, everything YOU do doesn't work out perfectly either".

Also...since such a person perceives himself as having fewer marbles, it may take him a LONG time (maybe never) to admit that he was wrong to criticize (because that means losing MORE marbles).


This theory may help to explain why a whole lot of situations began to make sense (situations with unreasonable relatives, nutty teachers, stubborn children, etc).

Men may have a harder time dealing with an imbalance of marbles when they perceive themselves as having less because of their culture's perception that men are supposed to be the (gag) more logical, smarter sex. It's also not about who makes more money. When men feel that they don't have more marbles, they can feel emasculated....so he will just be petty...and some will more seriously lash out.

This theory seems to help a lot of people understand weird conflicts that are going on in their lives.... with spouses, kids, co-workers, relatives, siblings, in-laws, parents, etc. (oh yes, with parents!) Parents of adult children do not want to admit that their adult children may have more marbles than they do. It can also occur when one spouse has an addiction (drinking, gambling, etc) or infidelity issues that has had negative affects on the marriage/family, so that a spouse viciously nitpicks the other spouse so as to say..."you're not perfect either...you make mistakes, too" (even though those mistakes/flaws are far more minor and have insignificant negative affects on the family).

How does the partner with the most marbles stop being the constant brunt of attack from the marble-short partner? I think the day you stop keeping a record of the marbles, the problem will end, but it is in our human nature to keep score. We have long term memory, all but sometimes very selective. This is a psychological problem to begin with. If you try to have the upper hand in marriage - you'll loose the relationship.

Make better decisions and you will get more marbles, or attain a balance of marble stacks. I understand keeping score with casual acquaintances and business associates, just because you may need to limit interactions or find a new way to communicate, if it becomes too imbalanced? Keeping score with "family" never leads to anything good. You need to give some marbles back, to keep the stacks balanced, or at least give the appearance of being balanced.

You have to make the other person feel that his/her opinions are valued, listened to, and not immediately dismissed. This can be hard to do if the person is seriously lacking in common-sense, but be very cautious not to be the type who can't "suffer fools gladly." Each person in a valued relationship has to have some worth-while redeeming value.

Hasn't each of us been frustrated when we tell a parent/child to do something and they dismiss it, yet when someone ELSE tells them to do the SAME thing, the parent/child acts like that's the smartest idea they've ever heard!!!???  

That's the Marble Game Theory going on. The parent/child doesn't have that "marble-conflict" going on with that "other person." So, the parent/child feels that he/she isn't giving up any marbles (showing weakness) by following that "other person's advice. (and, we all just shake our heads and wonder.)

FYI:

I get alerts about "game theory" every day, this was one of the better ones from;

mom2collegekids

Senior Member

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/1112882-touched-sore-point-marble-game-theory.html



DON'T BE BLUE

More on the Games people play and the reasons they play them.

OK, it's super bowl time and another great excuse to have a party. Well, Friday is a good excuse also, but not as sociologically or psychologically of the same importance.
I've heard this before, but never paid than much attention to it. The world we live in is populated by a natural and inbred mentality to survive, expand hunting and living areas and to protect them. This has usually resulted in fights, skirmishes, and other acts of war. We are and always will be a warring species.

For the most part, constant acts of protecting your territory have been subdued in most countries populated by any type if civility. There are some countries that cannot escape that mentality, and don't want to. As much as we would like to believe that people will refrain from their basic instincts and live in peace, that will never happen, as long is there is one person out the billions that inhabit this planet that feels the need to protect what they have or want more.

We, in the civilized parts of the world, have replaced those acts of aggression with sports. Most sporting endeavors have grown from exhibitions that demonstrated the abilities needed for being a warrior and most civilized people are no longer warriors, so we play sports.

We play sports and root for our favorite sports teams. Sports teams have people who are fanatics about how their team prospers. Some are more than fanatics; their whole world revolves around their adopted team, or mentally; their country, their warriors, and their king. There are still areas of the country so mezmorized by their national or city team that they are so violent after a loss that they destroy parts of their city or cause harm and injury to the sports officials, not to mention the person who caused them to lose. And of course there's hockey.

The games are their battles that lead to their own version of a World War, every year or every 2 years or every 4 years, in the form of Championships and worldly contests like the Olympics.

And we need these replacements of acts of war, to allow us to escape, when we can, from the realities of the real acts of war going on every day and the fact that there are bad people who want to do bad things. Out of the billions of people on this planet, there will always be at least one bad person and they will always let you think there is a chance they will become passive. They never will, but will use that hope to accomplish their goals.

Everyone needs something to channel mankind’s natural instincts into. Play sports, root for your team, compete in something that develops your mind, or play poker. All of these activities require some form of aggression, and mankind is nothing if not aggressive, even in it's yearn for pacifism.

DON'T BE BLUE



The Games People Play and GAMES NO ONE SHOULD PLAY

War Games and Fantasy Role Playing Games vs Grand Theft Auto and violence for the sake of violence games.

New computer games are being designed that are more complicated and realistic than ever before. Games that require more dexterity and quick thinking. The most popular of these are Role Playing Games.
You are what you play and some of these games are actually quite good in preparing game players for possible employment. Some other games place the harsh realities of life in such a nonchalant attitude that the mind can no longer tell good from bad, or at least what is acceptable behavior and what is not.
When someone lives a life of constant anger in their real everyday environment and then escapes to a fantasy world that has the same atmosphere, anger will be the norm.

Aside from the more and more realistic sports computer games, the most popular games are games of violence like games of war , fantasy role playing, and criminal gang activity.

Kids, teens, and preppies are most likely not going to use their gaming experience from War Games, like Call to Duty II or HALO and most adventure role playing games like World of Warcraft, to commit the same violence in the real world.

Games like Grand Theft Auto however, have no real practical application in the real world, except to disrespect authority, learn criminal tactics, and commit random act of violence on women and innocent people. Games like Grand Theft Auto plant the seed that you can profit from robbing and doing drugs and advance your position in your gang AND are a school for learning terrorism.

The Fantasy Role Playing Games may have too much graphic violence, but for the most part you can mentally leave the game behind you when you quit the game, unlike games like Grand Theft Auto where those thoughts are more represented in the daily news.
Fantasy Role Playing Games require more creativity to advance and allow for strategic thought. War Games also require more intelligent and strategic thought like those based on games like chess.

War Games also have a real practical application in that it trains the young for the future of real military. There are more unmanned aircraft like drones being used and more robotics being used that incorporate the same principles as the war games. Even the aircraft simulators for the computer can help teach you how to fly a plane.

Nothing good comes from games like Grand Theft Auto and shows POOR PARENTING when children are given the game to play.

I'll continue to play games like POKER, both live and in poker simulation programs, not so much online anymore since POKER'S BLACK FRIDAY!

Have an Awesome Day!

DON'T BE BLUE